Sex and the art of motorcycle maintenance 20

It's how we gracefully turn the next page of our lives that makes our live beautiful--according to Carl Jung; and this is how I rephrased it. Yesterday, perhaps the worst quarrel with my sister Gie happened; days before that my score/rating in chess went down to 1400+ from 1500+ and last Friday, I nearly smashed someone's head with a bottle of sparkle while playing dota; all because of one simple word: temper. Simple. Because it was never more defined than these incidents. Maybe it's because I'm getting old that I was able to look and see the bigger picture, differently, of me getting mad. I am now more willing to act on anything that will prove my point and on what made me mad. I used to have hesitation on this, but recently it was different. I was willing to get into trouble of breaking someone's neck even if he's bigger than I am. Maybe I got tired of venting my anger in my usual mechanism; why speak when action injures louder than words? But amidst these self-examination one thing popped up why I was all of sudden so sincere of making my point--even if I'm not sure I'm wrong--was self-respect. Never had I have this kind of feeling of asserting my 'manhood' to any situation that requires it. Pagka-lalake; hindi ko alam na darating ako sa punto ng buhay ko na seseryosohin ko ang salitang ito na dati-rati'y binabalewala ko lang dahil salita ito ng mga archetypal na macho at 'lalake' sa lipunan natin. Karamihan ng maling desisyon na nagawa ko ay sa pagpapabaya ko sa elementong ito. Tama na siguro ang 29 taong pagiging Loki-archetype at reluctant na Ryu-esque model. Bukod dito, napagtanto ko rin ang limitasyon ng 'pasaway' at 'pabuaya' factor. Na hindi lahat ng oras kelangan kong itiwala ang sarili sa sitwasyon. Kadalasan, lalo na sa mga taong hindi dapat pagkatiwalaan, hindi pala dapat pabayaan ang sarili na 'defenseless' sa anumang sitwasyon. Don't give them reasons to harm you or take advantage of you. Hindi lahat ng tao ay kaibigan. Hindi lahat ng tao ay mabuti. Kelangan ko na sigurong tapusin--kung hindi man ibalanse ang 'yang' sa 'ying' ng persona ko. Tama nga siguro ang teorya ni Jung na darating at darating sa buhay ng tao na magbabago ang ugali nito depende sa oryentasyon niya. Kung macho't may pagka-brusko ang tao habang bata pa ito, kapag tumanda ito'y magiging compassionate at magiging mapag-aruga katulad ng isang ina o ng isang babae; mananatili pa rin ang nakagisnan o nasimulan nitong ugali pero ito'y nasa likod na lamang. Shifting ang tawag ko dito. From the feminine to masculine, from masculine to feminine--pero hindi 'to 100% takeover. Mayroong isang uri ng kahoy na sobrang tagal umusbong pero kapag tumubo naman ay sobrang laki. May mga taong ganun. Word count: 473.